Just So Ichigo!
by Hiruko-Sama
Summary: An experiment undetaken by the Twelfth Squad provides shocking results. Suddenly Ichigo finds his life turned upside down as every female Shinigami is after him. And what do they want? Why Ichigo himself! Rated M - For multiple lemons. Ichigo x Harem, eventually IchiRuki.


"Goooood Morniiiiiiiiinngg Ichigoooooooo!" echoed a voice throughout a particular street of Karakura Town. Ichigo opened his sleepy eyes at the sound which immediately widened as two tiny feet slowly became larger and larger heading straight for his face.

**CRASH!**

"Boy, they're at it again" muttered Karin Kurosaki buttering her toast as crashes and bangs and the sound of glass shattering was heard from upstairs and eventually a figure was seen flying off into the horizon as a bedraggled Ichigo stomped down with two footmarks on his face and a ripped lab coat in his hands.

"Ne, Onii-Chan, I hope you didn't throw him too far. He has a lot of patients to see this morning" said Yuzu smiling at Ichigo as she poured out his tea and placed a plate of breakfast before him.

"Don't care. How the hell does he do it?" grumbled Ichigo mutinously.

"Do what? Somehow defy every law of physics and medicine by defeating gravity and by staying alive after you're done with him?" scoffed Karin biting into her toast.

"No, I meant annoying the fucking hell outta me before I even let the sunlight hit my eye every day!" growled Ichigo as a flying figure shot back into the house with the same speed it had left and crashed into the wall with a large portrait of a beautiful woman on it.

"Okaa-Saaaaaaan! Our son has gone down the path of darkness. He has forsaken everything and now walks a path of vengeance and blood and…" WHAM!

"Shut the hell up!" cried Ichigo as Isshin slid dramatically down from Masaki's portrait with a shoe mark on his head.

Ichigo picked up his bag and walked towards the door. "I'm heading out!" he said as Yuzu waved at him.

Walking out of his home he took a deep breath, savoring the cool morning breeze when there was the sudden tinkle of tiny bells. Ichigo smiled at the peaceful sound as a tall man with familiar spikes on his head passed him by. Ichigo continued normally for ten seconds before it hit him. By the time he turned in completely disbelief…there was nobody on the street except him and a tiny old lady with a cat.

_"What the hell? Just now…was that? It certainly looked like him but…Nah, I must be mistaken"_ he thought shaking his head vigorously and continuing on his way.

Walking down the aisle he was joined by his friends from school Keigo and Mizuiro. Very soon they began talking about Keigo's favorite subjects: Women.

"Ah, women! What a marvelous invention by the Almighty. Their luscious lips, bountiful breasts and cute cries of 'ah, don't touch me there Keigo-Chuwan' make life worth living ne? Ne?" he asked enthusiastically as Mizuiro gave his signature nod while typing away on his mobile to his many numerous girlfriends.

"Why only this morning that cute little tsundere with the 'I heart Kitty' T-shirt and rings hanging from her twin pigtails looked at me in a way that seemed to invite me into her very soul, her essence" said Keigo passionately as something struck Ichigo's mind.

"You seem to be forgetting the part where she kicked you in the groin and said she'd rip off your dick and make you choke on it if you came near her again" said Mizuiro casually as Keigo went into offended tirades which slipped from Ichigo's mind.

"_It can't be…it's just a coincidence, right?"_ he thought when the familiar greeting of "Ohayo Kurosaki-Kun" was heard.

"Oh, Ohayo Inoue" he said nodding at her and Chad when the suddenly someone pushed past him hurriedly.

"Oh, So sorry young man" said the tall man who was wearing an elaborate brown suit and a ridiculously coloured hat from which silvery white hair peeped out in scruffs. Something about the man's voice seemed familiar to Ichigo.

"Ano…Excuse me" he said advancing towards the man who stiffened visibly when suddenly a woman's scream drew away his attention. Ichigo turned to see a middle aged woman holding up her skirt. A straw hat cast a shadow over her face but she had long strawberry blonde hair that flowed down her back.

"Sorry, sorry. Just a mouse I'm afraid" she said breezily. By the time Ichigo huffed and turned back the man with the multicolored cap had vanished and then he remebered the woman's ample breasts and hair colour and turned back but she had disappeared as well.

"_Damnit, I was so close"_ he thought feeling frustrated.

"Is…something wrong Ichigo?" asked Chad perceptively as Ichigo as the school bell rang for the first period to begin.

Ichigo stared at the place where the man had stood just a few moments ago. _"Thrice now"_ he thought darkly before turning to Chad, "Everything's fine. Come on, we'll be late if we don't go now".

"_Somehow…I feel…someone is staring at me right now…"_ thought Ichigo uneasily, _"Probably just my imagination"_

* * *

Not very far away in a dark alley where no creatures dwell stood four figures. Each of them wore a mask over their faces.

"Phew, that was a close one. You have my deepest gratitude for controlling the situation back there _BikiniBabe021_" said the shadow wearing a horse mask.

"No problem _Friend_to_All26_. I am here for support work anyways!" replied _BikiniBabe021_ cheerfully through her peacock mask.

"What the fuck are we doing skulking around in this godforsaken place like this? I thought it was our mission to scrape him out of his house and beat him up well. I mean that's why I volunteered in the first place damnit!" growled the tallest shadow with a bear mask.

"If you can keep your bloodthirsty tendencies to a limit…umm _DownwithIchigo666_, you would have heard when we were told merely to observe Kurosaki in his day-to-day life and not to interfere in any way. What part of 'observe' is too difficult for you to comprehend? And on that note what is wrong with your alias name, I thought we were asked to be discreet" said the smallest shadow who donned a cat mask on her face.

"Riiiiiight! _Yoruichi_Sama4ever _is a reaaally discreet alias huh? And moreover, who the fuck wants to observe him? Damn that bastard Urahara and his fancy gabble!" retorted Bear-Mask.

"Please both of you! I understand you're feeling frustrated _DownwithIchigo666_ but you have to understand that Urahara is acting on Ya…ahem, someone very important's order! Also _Yoruichi_Sama4ever_, I do agree with _DownwithIchigo666_ on the fact of your alias being too recognizable, I mean, is there absolutely nothing else you could think of?" spoke Horse-Mask when suddenly Peacock-Mask hushed them up.

"Someone's coming!" she said quietly.

The four tensed up as running footsteps were heard. A silhouette appeared in the end of the alleyway were a few specks of light managed to reach. The person took a few steps towards them, panting and gasping.

"I knew it. It was you people" he said, glasses shining with triumph Uryu Ishida stood up to the greatest extend of his height.

"Ahhh, it's that Quincy" muttered Cat-Mask softly.

"K-Knew what exactly?!" demanded Horse-Mask uneasily.

"The four of you, I don't know why but it's very unusual for so many of your rank to be here in the Real World isn't it? Not to mention you're stalking Ichigo. I've notices several distortions in the spiritual pressure of Karakura town" said Uryu, in battle stance.

"Oops, I forgot about Quincies and their super perceptive spiritual sensing" groaned the Peacock-Mask.

"Ha! So you're going to take me on then? Good, about time this boring as hell mission got a little exciting" said the Bear-Mask, joy practically radiating off him.

"What do you think you're doing? We have specific orders to avoid this sort of thing" said Cat-Mask sternly although she too had tensed up considerably.

"Yeah? And what happens if we let him off? He goes and blabs to Ichigo and then the cat's out of the bag" said Bear-Mask grabbing his sword and running towards Uryu who immediately shot a barrage of arrow at him.

Bear-Mask deflected the arrows with his sword with ease and was just about to bring it down in Uryu when said Quincy's eyes widened and he fell to the ground on his knees and collapsed.

"Wah? What the hell? I didn't even strike him yet?" muttered Bear-Mask prodding the fallen Uryu with his sword.

Behind Bear-Mask stood Horse-Mask with one arm raised and two fingers pointing towards the unconscious Uryu "Bakudo No. 12: Hakufuku" he said apologetically, "I do apologize Quincy-San. I hope you will be able to forgive me when you wake up"

"That was a good move, _Friend_To_All26_, now, let's make sure he doesn't interfere till we're done with this mission" said Cat-Mask, an ominous aura surrounding her.

"I agree, for once you speak sense woman" piped up Bear-Mask, the aura spreading to him as well.

"If you'd like we could try -CENSORED- and after we take them off we could put –CENSORED- and when he's go it all inside him we'll turn on THAT and –CENSORED-. He'll never know what hit him!" suggested Peacock-Mask cheerfully though the evil aura resonated off her as well.

Horse-Mask sighed as his three companions converged around the fallen Quincy with glints and evil chuckles.

"Come to think of it? Where is our fifth companion? I haven't seen him ever since we entered Karakura Town" asked Horse-Mask turning to Peacock-Mask.

"Hmm, I don't really know. He does that often when he's annoyed" she replied nonchalantly.

"He's probably annoyed because of the alias you submitted for him, I mean _Runt Snowmanfan_? What kind of weird alias is that supposed to be? Especially for touchy subject for him" said Cat-Mask.

"I thought it was pretty creative" argued Peacock-Mask defensively.

"There's no sense in arguing with one who calls herself _BikiniBabe021_ by choice" muttered Cat-Mask before turning to Bear-Mask who was still prodding the unfortunate Quincy with his sword.

"It's almost 3PM now and Ichigo-Kun will be out of school soon so let's all get back in positions okay?" said Horse-Mask as the other three nodded and very soon the alleyway was deserted save for the unconscious Quincy.

* * *

"Phew, man, that was a tough lesson" groaned Keigo lying flat on his desk with his eyes closed as Mizuiro smirked, "Says he who slept through the entire day. Sometimes I'm surprised Kirishima-Sensei doesn't throw you out"

"Yeah right, you're just jealous 'cause a sexy older teacher has a crush on me. I'm tellin' ya Mizuiro, just wait until the next School Hottest Male Contest and I'll be voted No. 1!" cried Keigo.

Keigo's exaggerated cries went over his head as Ichigo stared out into the sky, still wondering about the events of the morning. _"Yosh, I'll definitely go see Hat'n'Clogs and ask him about what the heck is going on. That man in the morning, the girl who Keigo flirted with, that man with the multicolored hat and the woman who cried 'Mouse'. If they're who I think they are then something's up."_

"…and then he was just so stinky" ended Keigo laughing as Orihime and Chad came up.

"Kurosaki-Kun, ready to head home?!" asked Orihime as Ichigo smiled and nodded.

"I need to stop by Urahara's once, you guys can go on ahead if you want" he said as they exited the school.

"Eh? Is something wrong?" asked Orihime as Ichigo nodded, "Just this feeling I'm having"

"I wonder why Uryu didn't show up today. He isn't the type to bunk school" wondered Chad as the three walked towards the Urahara Store.

"Ne Kurosaki-Kun, I wanted to ask you, have you received any word from Rukia-Chan or Abarai-Kun lately?" asked Orihime as Ichigo turned to face her, "Eh? A message from Rukia or Renji? Umm no, why do you ask?"

"Well, two days ago I say a senkaimon opening near the river. By the time I got there whoever opened it had left. I figured it was either Rukia-Chan or Abarai-San since they're usually the ones to visit Karakura Town in case Soul Society needs to communicate" said Orihime when suddenly Ichigo turned and grabbed her shoulders.

"You saw a Senkaimon? You're sure?" he asked as Orihime flinched at his tone, "Umm yes, I'm pretty sure it was a Senkaimon. I mean, what else can be mistaken for a traditional gate just appearing on its own right?"

"Did you see anybody come out?" demanded Ichigo.

"Well I didn't _see_ anybody because a truck passed in front of me right then and blocked my view and by the time I got there whoever they were had left, but the spiritual pressure around the area was a little misbalanced so I guess I missed whoever it was." Replied Orihime.

"Perhaps it was someone entering the Senkaimon instead of leaving it" suggested Chad.

"I suppose it might have been that" admitted Orihime but from her tone Ichigo realized she didn't think so.

"Anyways if it was anyone we know and they haven't contacted us then there's only one place they'll go, and that's where I'm headed" said Ichigo striding forward.

"I'd like to help Ichigo but I've got to run some errands for my mother that's really important, sorry" said Chad.

"Sorry, I can't go either, Tatsuki-Chan is waiting for me at the supermarket, we're going to try and make a big chocolate cake for Keigo-Kun in honor of his 16th birthday" said Orihime cheerfully.

"Can't believe Tatsuki actually agreed to help you with that, I thought she loathed Keigo ever since he copped her a feel during our pool visit" said Ichigo.

"Well don't tell her I told you but it was really her idea for the cake, Tatsuki-Chan, I think, she has something for Keigo-Kun!" said Orihime softly.

"No way! Tatsuki and Keigo. Yeesh I'd love to see that day!" scoffed Ichigo as the three friends laughed and chatted till Orihime and Chad had to leave for their respective reasons. Ichigo turned instead, to the Urahara Store and arriving in front of the familiar building his perpetual frown arrived on his brow.

"_I can feel it, the spiritual pressure is off here, something's up and I'll have that damn Hat 'n' Clogs explain if it's the last thing I do"_ thought Ichigo determinedly as her proceeded inside the shop.

* * *

One thing that Byakuya Kuchiki immensely detested in his work life was his fellow Captain Mayuri Kurotsuchi. With the possible exception of Zaraki Kenpachi it was Byakuya's opinion that Kurotsuchi was the foulest Shinigami in existence. Yet by the order of the Head-Captain he found himself walking down the halls of the Twelfth Division and knocking on Kurotsuchi's door.

At a curt 'Come In', Byakuya slid open the door to find the Captain sitting at a large machine, typing and pressing various buttons and knobs. Papers lay scattered everywhere on the floor. The division's lieutenant was standing beside her 'father' carrying a large bundle of documents.

"Ah, is it isn't the illustrious Captain Kuchiki. To what do I owe this pleasure" asked Mayuri Kurotsuchi derisively without turning to look at the 6th Division Captain.

"The Head Captain wishes to know your progress with the events taking place in Karakura Town" stated Byakuya calmly.

"And because his Lieutenant is far too busy he has sent you as his messenger pigeon, has he?" scoffed Mayuri laughing heartily at his own joke however if he expected any emotion from Byakuya he was disappointed.

"Tch, oh well, you can tell him that all goes well, I have placed complete surveillance over his house, family, friends. The team deployed there is in regular communication with my division and as for the situation with Kurosaki Ichigo, well, without a sample of his body fluids and…well..some assistance from the Fourth Division we cannot proceed" muttered Kurotsuchi, his hands clenched in rage at having to accept Fourth Division's assistance.

Byakuya opened his closed eyes and turned away, "Very well, I shall ask the Head-Captain to inform Captain Unohana about this matter. We shall see how fast Kurosaki Ichigo can be brought into your hands" he said before leaving.

After he left a lower squad member arrived in Mayuri's office, "Extremely sorry to interrupt Captain but an urgent message has just arrived from the Urahara Stores. Kurosaki Ichigo has made contact with Urahara Kisuke"

"Oh he has, has he? Well, frankly I'm not surprised. Inform the messenger to tell Urahara to make sure that the boy remains in the dark till it is time for him to know just how precious he has become to the women of the Soul Society" so saying Kurotsuchi burst into a maniacal laughter and the squad member glanced uneasily at his Lieutenant before bowing and retreating.

"Oh this is going to be so much fun! Oh how I wish, I was the one to be able to inform the boy, the look of his prudish face will be priceless. Nemu, see if you can convince that twit Matsumoto to get me a picture" said Mayuri rubbing his bony hands together.

"Hai, Mayuri-Sama"

* * *

**GIN'S CORNER!**

Gin: Hiya everybody, I'm Ichimaru Gin. How're ya'll doin' today? Good? Hmm, that's a pity. Oh well, in any case from today we're startin' a brand new segment with this….potentially interesting story…anyways. In case ya were born with half a brain and couldn't make out from the title this segment's host is yours truly. And with every chapter I'll be bringing you some of your favorite characters for a discussion! Speaking about this chapter did everyone catch the Lucky Star reference? If you did, well don't expect me to congratulate you or anything. If you didn't, please award yourself a cookie in the honour of being less observant than me! Anyways, our debut character, is the very lovely, the very charming Nemu Kurotsuchi who played but a small role in this chapter. Welcome Nemu.

Nemu:…..

Gin: So Nemu tell us, it is a widely known fact that you are an android created by your father. However disregarding such matter most of our viewers have one common question in particular, What's up with your uniform? I mean, you're the only Shinigami who doesn't wear a proper shikahishou. Is it cause you're a robot? Or is it something deeper. Nemu, a few words please.

Nemu:….

Gin: Umm, did you hear me? Is your receiver functioning quite well? Oiiiiii!

Nemu:...

Gin: Umm, ya know, this IS supposed to be a talk show so I'd appreciate it if you'd ya know…TALK!

Nemu: Your voice is disturbing my frequency, allow me to modify your trachea!

**CRASH! BANG! WHIRRR! SPLATTER! SQUISH!**

_SHOW TEMPORARILY CANCELLED TODAY ON BEHALF OF BODILY DAMAGE TO HOST!_


End file.
